My friends canceled my 40th birthday celebrations at the last minute and that made me feel unimportant

A woman has sparked debate about whether people are now more anxious than ever after revealing some of her friends canceled their 40th birthday celebrations with just six days’ notice.

The woman took to UK parenting platform Mumsnet to explain that she had booked a food and drink venue for 28 friends, but eight had dropped out at the last minute and she was unable to get ahead with the bill.

She feared more would drop out shortly before the event and considered canceling her birthday party altogether.

People rushed to the comments to express their sympathy for the woman, with many saying that people have become “woefully unreliable” and “unreliable” lately.

The post read: “People canceled my 40th year on Saturday. Should I cancel? Hello, this is sensitive and disturbing, so please don’t get into an argument.

“I’m turning 40 on Friday and have booked a catered bar for 28 friends.” Invitations were sent out and people responded yes, so I ordered catering and drinks accordingly.

“There is a minimum expense that I have to pay if it is not spent – everything is normal.” With six days to go, about eight of the “yes” questions become “no”.

“I’m not sure if there will be more.” When can I cancel everything? Or how can I change my mind that a smaller thing will be just as beautiful (even though it might be expensive for me since I now have to pay the cost)?

“Gosh, I wish people wouldn’t give up.” It’s a big birthday milestone, not an intermediate step. It makes me think that I’m not important and feel a bit depressed! How would you reframe this in your head or with your practical eye?

In response, several users highlighted that people “seem to be quick to cancel plans,” with one person saying this tendency has gotten “even worse” after the coronavirus crisis.

One comment said: “I think that a lot of people have been left sadly dissatisfied and that the late cancellations mean it’s not a good idea to spend money on these events.”

“I would just invite a lot of other people and not tell those canceling that you are hurt unless you can do it in person and the time seems right because cancellations are so common these days.” Hope it happens and goes well. Happy Birthday.’

Another said: “People are flaky.” We had about 15 no-shows at our wedding reception, which wasn’t a huge inconvenience out of 100, but I still factored them into catering etc. None of them had a reasonable excuse!”

The woman took to the UK parenting platform to explain that she had booked a venue with food and drink for 28 friends, but now eight dropped out at the last minute and she couldn’t get ahead with the bill

Someone else said, “I’m really sorry to hear your friends are canceling.” I agree with other advocates that people seem to be quick to cancel now.

“I find it selfish and rude unless they have a really sincere excuse, although I think in most cases it’s because they don’t bother going out!”

“Two really good friends canceled the day before my bachelorette party… I was so disappointed.” It makes you feel like bullshit. I’m tempted to cancel now and go away for a weekend instead x.’

A fourth added: “So rude.” Unfortunately, it’s become quite common for some people. I would definitely send out a bunch of last minute invites since you decided to celebrate last minute. People will say yes or no, nothing is lost.”

Another said: “I used to work in hospitality, it happens a lot and I think it’s worse since COVID.” A general rule of thumb is to budget 20% less than you want to invite. I would invite a few more and continue at this point. “It will feel lonely with those who made the effort.”

Many suggested that the women should simply try to fill the gaps with others, but she worried that it would look bad, as if they were just “fillers.”

People rushed to the comments to express their sympathy for the woman, with many saying that people have become “woefully unreliable” and “unreliable” lately

She said, ‘Yes, I’ve thought about inviting others, but does it look obvious that they would be a replacement now?’ It’s so last minute.’

After numerous people asked about her friends’ excuses, she revealed: “Work stress/travel x2, have to go to the passport office (!), baby isn’t sleeping (can’t one of them come?), husband is broken.” Poor, has to go home stay, forgot and can’t find a babysitter (they had a printed invitation 4 weeks ago), pregnant and feeling tired.

“So I’m not sure I can complain.” But still. You answered “Yes.” It feels like a punch in the stomach. “I don’t want to remember my big birthday as the day I had to cancel because I obviously wasn’t that important to people.”

Others reported that they had the same experience when planning parties or weddings and said that they would no longer host parties.

One person said, “This is what happened to us, except we had 35 people reduced to 20!” I had also rented a room.

“We still had a great time and our closest friends made it. However, I was upset about the cost because, as you say, I had to pay a minimum amount based on the original figures.”

Another added: “I used to love a Christmas party and DH and I put a lot of effort into it but after last Christmas I won’t do it again.”

Others reported that they had the same experience when planning parties or weddings and said that they would no longer host parties

“We had arranged for about ten couples to join us on the middle Saturday in December, well in advance via a WhatsApp survey, so it was definitely a date we could all attend.” All good. Then, the week before the “sorry, but…” messages arrived.

“In the end I suggested that the seven of us who were still free should go to the pub and have dinner instead (I managed to get the local to squeeze us in).

“That led to two others dropping out because they wanted a house party and didn’t want to pay for food. “It was still a nice evening, but I won’t put myself in that situation again.

“When you host, you can’t waver.” I also usually find that unreliable people rarely offer to host. They like having the option to get a better deal or see if they’re up for it that day.”

Another said: “I had the same thing in my 40th year.” I sent out invitations and then reconfirmed them with everyone a few days before the party as the catering was per head.

“I made it clear that I needed to confirm the food numbers, so I assumed the RSVPs would surely come. No. Lots of dropouts. For some there are no excuses, for others they are really lame excuses. Really made me think about who my friends were. I am so sorry.’