Pakistan vs England: Men’s third cricket test, day one – live | Pakistan vs England 2024

Pakistan huddles under a hazy sky. The referees go out and here come Messrs. Duckett and Crawley. At the moment I have no idea what the next few hours will bring: a flood of runs or a slew of wickets? Something in between? There’s only one way to find out: let’s PLAY!

“Good morning James, I loved the invigorating, breathless introduction and the nod to David Bowie. How will this wicket adapt to the changes sought by the Pakistani authorities and can it last the entire five days, let alone five years? Let’s Dance.”

I see you’re “invigoratingly breathless” and I’m telling you “blinks in panic,” but still: Cheers, Brian Withington.

Solidarity with David Fletcher Who will receive the first email of the trial price?

“Hello James, of course I’m in bed…”

Unfortunately, it’s (a) in the hospital and (b) hooked up to a compressed air machine that alternates between wearing compression socks and releasing the most disappointing party popper ever on a 44-second cycle.

Oh. And the drugs.

Like all good England cricket fans, I’m an ironist at heart so I spent the early hours of the morning watching Dopesick, but now the iPad is out of juice so I’m pretty excited that there’s only 20 minutes left until the start of the game.

If we could do this for a full five days I would be very grateful, as on medical advice I have to spend the next five days either in bed or on the sofa. Can you please sort?”

Consider it done. Nice to have you with us, David. England’s batters should be able to distract you for the next few hours at least.

*Or days. Or minutes. Delete what applies.

Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton I reported from the ground that the pitch actually looks like a belter and that despite all the paraphernalia – the patio heaters, the fans and the scarifiers – there should be runs and more, especially in the first few days. At some point it will crack and fall apart, how much remains to be seen. [Insert gag about four early starts in a row when back from latest coffee]

England wins the toss and bats first!

Some Stokes quotes:

The litter is imminent. Ben Stokes will keep his poker face no matter how the coin falls.

“Garbage dumping plays a greater role on the subcontinent than anywhere else in the world. I don’t think we will have such extreme conditions over the course of the game: when we start it will be a wicket on day one, not day six.”

England have teenage leg-spinner Rehan Ahmed in their XI as part of a three-pronged spin attack with Joe Root up their sleeves. Here’s what England’s captain had to say about the young lad yesterday:

“The addition of Rehan’s free spirit and his desperation to change the game every time he has the ball in his hands is a huge bonus for us this week,” Stokes said, while noting the relevance of his quiet season for Leicestershire Pay attention. “Leg spinners have an amazing ability to open a game…You’d rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”

Understood? By the way, the playing field is full of known unknowns and unknown knowns. I mean, the thing has had two industrial fans on it for the past week and has reportedly been raked, raked, I’m telling you!

“I wasn’t involved in the decision-making, I was just there.”

Jason Gillespie gives a strong performance Husband was dragged to Ikea on a wet holiday energy in this.

There’s nothing to see here… Aside from the number of runs that cause nosebleeds:

preamble