Politics, once a taboo on a first date, is now more important to dates. A relationship expert shares tips.

Online daters are used to it swipe right or left – but could their decision depend on whether that person leans politically to the right or left?

Political Views The question of a potential partner is becoming increasingly important for dating, Terri Orbuch, relationship expert at DatingAdvice and professor of sociology at Oakland University, tells CBS News — but singles often don’t know how to approach the topic.

“They don’t bring it up on the first date or even the second date, and then all of a sudden the third date comes along, and bam, there are these political differences,” she said.

Here’s what to keep in mind when it comes to politics and dating.

Why political differences matter in relationships

“Our identity and who we see ourselves is tied to these issues that have now become political, namely issues of social justice and diversity and inclusion and equity, gender, race, sexual orientation,” Orbuch said.

It doesn’t necessarily matter who you vote for or whether you’re a Democrat or Republican.

“We’re really talking about underlying values ​​and issues that are important to the individual, as well as values ​​and attitudes that are important to your identity,” she said.

The same applies when it comes to this Relationships with family and friendswhich experts say can be another difficult situation.

When it comes to romantic relationships, these values ​​can be a deciding factor in compatibility — something Orbuch knows firsthand as the leader of a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health that followed more than 300 couples over 35 years to find out what holds them together.

“It is important to have similarity with your partner (in terms of your two most important life values) if you want a long-lasting relationship. This is extremely important,” she said.

In addition to issues of social justice, diversity, and inclusion, other important life values ​​include the importance of children and family, your approach to money, and your approach to health and fitness.

The reverse also applies. If politically motivated social justice issues are not among your two most important life values, then similarity to a potential partner is not the key to compatibility and long-term longevity, she explained. Instead, you want similarities with the other values ​​that are more important to you.

Tips for Addressing “Politics” While Dating

So how do you bring up politics on a date when the issues involved are important to you? Orbuch said it’s better to focus on the underlying values ​​you’re looking for in a partner.

To do this, she suggests a three-step approach:

1. Observe behaviors: “What you really want to do in this first step is observe their behavior and how they interact with other people,” Orbuch said. “How do you talk to the barista, the waiter, the person serving you? Are they respectful? Are you looking at them? Do you speak to them respectfully? Do you tip?”

2. Ask life questions: Instead of direct questions about politics, ask questions that reveal what is important to them in life. For example, what does your ideal weekend look like? What do they like to do outside of work?

“These are great questions to get answers about a lot of topics, but I think you can also get answers about how they value ideas of social justice, diversity and inclusion,” she said.

3. Share your own experiences: Finally, you can show what’s important to you by sharing your own interests.

To show you value family, you could say, for example, “I love my niece…so I volunteered at her school yesterday to read a story,” Orbuch said.

Seeing how the other person reacts, she says, even by observing their nonverbal reactions, reveals a lot about whether they hold similar key values ​​in life.

Political filters for dating apps

The three-step approach is great if you don’t know a person’s political leanings or values, but Orbuch knows how to use filtering options now available on many dating apps to immediately set boundaries around certain political views — in fact, she said , she is “an advocate of.” The.”

“People have deal breakers, and when you search online and use the dating app, you can filter. Or there are even niche dating sites, like if you want to be a certain religion, if you want to be a certain age,” she said. “If you’re on a dating app and people are acknowledging who they’re going to vote for, acknowledging their political affiliation, or acknowledging their core life value around a social justice issue, then you can filter them out because that’s your business.” breaker.”